A Dwarf named Grumpy

Ok. So I'm not a dwarf (i'm 5'8"!!!!) but I have been grumpy lately.

It's not like I have anything to really be seriously grumpy about, so I kick myself for even getting to feeling that way. Perhaps it's work stress, feeling like my world is changing, that I have to find a new place to live (I hate moving), feeling unconnected from old friends, trying to make new ones but still feeling unconnected, trying to clean an entropic apt., getting a bad cold then trying to clean up an even more entropic apt., figuring out finances and wedding plans, trying to figure out where I fit in the universe of things when the universe is changing rapidly. I realized last night that I've been kinda grumpy lately and kinda down. Not clinically depressed down-- but just kinda blah... not my usual excitable and enthusiastic self. I just want to whine and be sad and be whinier and sadder than anyone else. Which is stupid considering that I have a lot going for me, a fiancee that loves me, a stable job, and a close family, etc.

I realized that I've gotten kinda caught up in the wanting to know where everything is going - which is making me uncomfortable. I like to know what's going on and I like to plan for things. I want to know where we are going to live in a few months, I want to make new friends who will be my community, I want to know what my place is and where I fit. Since I'm in this transitory phase, at worst I'm feeling kinda lost and alone, at best I'm hopeful for new opportunities and circumstances.

I'd ask God what all this means, but you know, He has a way of doing things His way and not necessarily telling me what it all means. I guess I'll figure it out later or maybe it's not up to me to figure it out... so "viva la adventure..."

But don't get me wrong. I do have plenty to be thankful for and this morning, I decided I'd try to be thankful more deliberately-- until it becomes effortless. An attitude of thankfulness is not hard to come by, I think it's much harder to keep. So from now on, I will always post about at least one thing I am thankful for.

To kick things off- I will post three things: i am thankful for
1) God in my life- w/o Him, I would lose perspective completely
2) John - besides just being him, for trying to take of me and always ready with encouragement... for being the bright spot in my day
3) for faithful friends who seem to not mind that much that I'm not so convenient all the time and still make appointments to hang out with me- that's way cool :)